Saturday, 16 March 2013

Shrink Snag

I have started seeing a new counselor and I'm having trouble deciding to stick with it. I sought out a new shrink because I needed to find one covered by my medical pan, and I choose one with good reviews. I have had two sessions and I don't know if things are going in a helpful direction. I know it takes time to get going but my plan only provides $1000 coverage and at $130 an hour that isn't going to last long. I need to start getting better now.

It can be hard to be assertive in any situation. Being open about your needs can be even more difficult. I have trouble being assertive and after bringing up this issue on group I decided to write out my concerns in an email. It might be the cowardly way to do it, but at least important things are being said. I need to know that this treatment is going to help before I continue. I am tired of trying things that don't work. I need someone on my team who is willing to try something new.

here is what I wrote to my counselor:

Hello Dr,

Sometimes I have trouble speaking my mind so I thought I would try writing it down. I know we have only had two sessions together and that it takes time to improve depression and anxiety but I have been trying to do this for a long time now. I don’t seem to be getting much better. I am tired of trying to fix things using the same tools and getting the same crappy results.
Things I have tried in my efforts to decrease depression.

Antidepressants: wellbutrin, celexa, Prozac
Books: many including Feeling Feeling Good The New Mood Therapy By David D. Burns, M.D

Dr Kaiser Charlottetown
EAP phone counselor
Paul Leger Counselor
Dr Kate Weaver Fredericton

Alternative Medicine:

Writing in a journal, multiple variations
Deep breathing
Mental safe word
Support groups

Destructive tools:
Cutting, scratching, picking
Suicidal thoughts

Nothing helps. I am tired and frustrated. I only have $1000 in my health plan for counseling and I don’t want to spend it trying the same ineffective things over again. I know I am a difficult patient and before I continue I would like to know if you have any more effective tools, skills or recommendations. I need a medication stronger then the urge to drive my car into the river. A tool stronger then the urge to binge and purge. A sleeping aid that is better than a bottle of liquor. I need medicine that is going to make great changes, not infinitesimal ones.  I can’t keep living like this, can you help me, or know someone else who can?